


Can You Forgive Me?

by AnUnknownForeignBeauty



Series: Disney one-shots [13]
Category: Pocahontas (1995)
Genre: After the sequel, Amnesia, F/M, pocahontas/john smith forever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-10
Updated: 2011-07-10
Packaged: 2020-04-08 06:58:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19102036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnUnknownForeignBeauty/pseuds/AnUnknownForeignBeauty
Summary: Set after Pocahontas 2. John Smith refused & shipwrecked lost his memory. He met Pocahontas who was betrayed by Rolfe. Pocahontas begged his pardon but John couldn't recognize her. She ran towards the cliff to kill herself & John pushed her back but...





	Can You Forgive Me?

I didn't know who I am. Everyone called me John Smith but actually I couldn't remember anything.  
  
As far as I could remember I fall from a ship & some people rescued me. My head was badly injured & I couldn't remember anything of my past even my name. It was a remote island. But one day I got a chance to get out from here. So I got into a ship & started my journey to a place called Virginia.  
  
At last I reached the new world. Everything was very familiar but I couldn't remember when I had been there. I met a red haired man called Thomas who welcomed me as a friend when we first met. He hugged me like an old friend & took me to his house. His wife Maria was a wonderful woman & requested me to stay with them for few days. But I couldn't explain their cordial behaviour with a stranger like me.  
  
The next evening I was walking along the beach. Suddenly I noticed a woman walking towards the sea. The furious waves were about to engulf her. I ran towards her & pulled her back.  
  
'Why did you save me?' she asked without looking at me.  
  
'You'll die.' I gripped her hand tightly making sure that she wouldn't do that again. 'Why are you doing that?'  
  
'Everyone betrayed with me.' She sobbed 'I lost John Smith due to my foolishness. Now Rolfe marries another woman. I've no way except killing my self.'  
  
'Killing yourself is not a good idea.' I tried to console her.  
  
Hearing my voice her sobbing stopped. She looked at my face for some moments & threw herself in my arms 'John Smith, you are here.'  
  
'Miss' I pushed her away 'It's a public place & I'm a stranger.'  
  
She set her eyes on me 'John, I'm your Pocahontas. Can't you recognize me?'  
  
My heart was about to stop by her breathtaking beauty. But I replied 'No, miss. I've never heard the name before.' Then I began to walk away.  
  
The next morning I was awaken by some voices from the kitchen.  
  
'I don't know why John is behaving in this way. He can't recognize even me.' Thomas said.  
  
'Not even me.' said another female voice. 'Rolfe betrayed me. Now John is angry with me. What should I do?' her voice broke.  
  
I stepped into the kitchen to find Thomas, Maria & Pocahontas. Pocahontas ran towards me & kissed my lips passionately.  
  
'Miss, you shouldn't do this in public with a total stranger.' I pushed her away.  
  
Pocahontas stepped back. Her face was wet with tears. 'I know I did wrong John.' She said in a broken voice 'But you shouldn't punish me in this way. Can't you forgive me ever?'  
  
She knelt in front of me 'Please forgive me.'  
  
I had no clue about what she was saying. But I felt her pain, betrayed by a lover & loosing another broke her heart. She was mentally very unstable. So she was behaving with me in this way.  
  
'I don't know you.' I patted her back 'But I can share your pain.'  
  
Maria said 'You shouldn't treat her in that way.'  
  
'I don't know her.' I shook my head. Maria & Thomas exchanged a meaningful look 'Then you can console her. You can be her friend.'  
  
'Well I'll try.' I replied. Pocahontas smiled & kissed my cheek 'Tomorrow I'll take you somewhere that can remind you everything.'  
  
\-----2----  
The next morning I was awaken by a sweet voice beside me. I opened my eyes to find Pocahontas smiling at me.  
  
'Wake up, my lazy bird.' She smiled sitting beside me.  
  
I sat up in my bed instantly 'Miss, you shouldn't come into my room alone. It's very odd.'  
  
Her smile disappeared. She covered her face in her hand & ran away from my room. I really didn't know why she was so interested about me. I noticed the box she left on my bed. I got down from the bed & began walking towards the kitchen. Suddenly I heard some voices from another room.  
  
'Why he is behaving with me in this way?' Pocahontas asked in a broken voice 'why he is so rude with me? I know I did wrong but... 'Suddenly she stopped & then said, 'He can't punish me in this way. There is something wrong, Thomas.'  
  
I heard Thomas saying 'There is something wrong. I thought it when I saw him first time. At last I've found that. But Pocahontas, are you mentally prepared to hear that? I know your mental condition is not good.'  
  
'If it was yesterday I would say that I'm not but today I'm ready to hear anything.' She replied.  
  
Thomas said 'I was really surprised with his strange behaviour with us & you yesterday. So I found Captain Newport who carried him here. He took me to the doctor who treated John. He said that seven months ago John was shipwrecked on his way to Virginia. His head was badly injured & he is suffering from anterograde amnesia. That means he is perfectly normal except he has no memory of his past. The doctor convinced Captain Newport to bring him here to improve his condition..'  
  
'He was coming here! After all I had done to him.' Pocahontas broke into tears 'How could be I became so blind. He would change his mind for me. But when I realized the truth, he was far away from me & I was about to marry Rolfe. But when I lost my honour in the society for him, I had no way except killing myself. But I wanted to live again when I found John but now he can't recognize me.'  
  
Thomas tried to console her 'Don't give up hope, friend. Doctor says that he will be fine. But we must try to recall his past with him. Someday he'll recover.'  
  
'But what if his condition becomes worse for me?' Pocahontas hesitated for a moment 'After all it's my fault. He was coming here for me & lost his memory for me.'  
  
'He still loves you.' Thomas said in a comforting voice 'He needs you more than any time now.'  
  
But Pocahontas continued her sobbing.  
  
Thomas said again, 'I know Pocahontas; your mental condition is not so good too. But please don't cry in front of John.'  
  
'I'll not cry.' Pocahontas stopped her sobbing.  
  
\----3----  
I couldn't understand about what they were talking about. I stepped into the room with the box in my hand. They stopped talking when they noticed me.  
  
'Miss, you've left this in my room.' I said to Pocahontas.  
  
She stood up, wiped her tears away & took the box from me.  
  
'Have your breakfast John. We are going to see old friends.' She giggled.  
  
I had no idea who the old friends would be. After the breakfast Thomas told me to get ready. So I went into my room & tried to find something good to wear. But I had only a pair of dress given by my rescuers.  
  
Suddenly Pocahontas walked into my room with the box in her hand.  
  
'This is a present for you.' She gave the box to me. I took it & opened it to find a beautiful blue shirt.  
  
'I think blue is your favourite colour.' She said. I had no idea if blue was my favourite colour but I liked the shirt.  
  
Suddenly I asked her, 'Miss, why were you trying to suicide yesterday?'  
  
She bent her head 'When a girl is humiliated in the society & has no way then what can she do?'  
  
'But who did this to you?' I couldn't resist my curiosity.  
  
'John Rolfe' she replied in a cold voice. The name was so familiar that I searched my memory to find that. But it was of no result. Suddenly my head began aching so I threw away the thought. But still the name filled my mind with an unknown bitterness.  
  
I tried to wear the shirt but I jumbled up the buttons. I tried a lot to arrange them but failed. Pocahontas smiled & helped me to button my shirt. When she touched my I had a strange feelings but I couldn't explain that. As if I knew her for years but a curtain of mist just obscured my past & I couldn't see through that.  
  
Pocahontas felt that too. She blushed.  
  
Suddenly I realized that it wasn't fair to be alone with a stranger woman for long. So i told her, 'Miss, it's not fair to be alone with you for this long. You may go now.'  
  
'Yes, I should.' She blushed harder again & left the room.  
\----4----  
We were walking along the streets of Jamestown. I was accompanied by Pocahontas & Thomas.  
  
'Remember, we made this wall together.' he said standing in front of the boundary wall. 'It was raining & Ben was making jokes.'  
  
I stopped there for a while. Many voices, many laughters came into my mind like a bolt of lightening. But they were gone as they came.  
  
'No' I nodded 'I have never seen this before.' Then I turned to him 'Can you tell me Thomas about what are you talking about. Who is Ben?'  
  
Thomas gave a sigh of disappointment. We walked silently. Many people said me good morning like old friends but I had never seen them before. Really very weird!  
  
We stopped in front of a wooden house with a signboard on the top of it which read, 'Virginia Company Office, Jamestown Branch.'  
  
We walked inside to find some people discussing something. When they noticed me they ran towards me & hugged me like old friends.  
  
'What a surprise, Captain Smith.' a strong black haired man said 'I thought you are travelling around the world.'  
  
'Who are you?' I gave him a surprised look.  
  
'I'm Ben.' He smiled 'Both of us are old sea dogs.'  
  
'Tell captain about our newest plan.' Said a red haired man called Lon from behind.  
  
Ben led me towards the table. I noticed some maps & charts on it but I had no idea how to use them. I also learned their names Lin, Ben, Nick, Jack etc.  
  
'We are planing of an expedition to the north.' Lon said 'I hope captain will join us.'  
  
'Of course he will join us.' Ben said 'Sailing is his passion. Remember what he said when Ratcliffe talked about gold 'I need nothing if I were in the sea.''  
  
Jack Put his arm around me, 'Congratulations Captain for putting Ratcliffe in the jail.'  
  
I had no clue about what they were talking about. Suddenly my head began aching. Many voices, many words began ringing in my ears. Many faces, many scenes began coming & going like flashes. I couldn't understand them. My headache increased with that. I gripped my head tightly & suddenly fall down from the chair.  
  
'Stop. Stop that' I shouted 'I can't take any more. I don't know about sailing. I don't know who Ratcliffe is. I don't know who I am.' I burried my face in my hands.  
  
Everyone stopped & exchanged surpised looks. Thomas & Pocahontas ran towards me & helped me to stand. Then they supported me to outside.  
\-----5------  
In the fresh air I felt a little better. Then Pocahontas asked me, 'What happened to you?'  
  
'I'm hearing voices & having visions as I always do since my accident.' I replied 'But I can't understand them.' Suddenly I asked her, 'Who is Ratcliffe?'  
  
She looked into my eyes & said 'The evil govornor who tried to kill my father but you took the bullet for him. For him I ended up in a tower in London. But you put him in jail. Can you remember anything, John?'  
  
Everything was very familiar but I couldn't remember them. Whenever I tried to remember anything since my accident the bad headache returned & I gave up.  
  
Suddenly a red haired man called Pocahontas from behind. When Pocahontas saw him blood drained away from her face. Thomas pulled me aside.  
  
'What do you want again?'she asked in a bitter voice.  
  
'To take you back.' the man held her hands 'After all we were about to be married. Now my wife is dead & I'm free to marry you now.'  
  
'How can you imagine that I would marry you after all you've done to me.' Pocahontas shouted 'Go away. I don't want to see your face again.'  
  
Then she walked away from the man. I couldn't like the man. He was so familiar that I began to search my memory for him. That man filled my mind with a strange bitterness.  
  
'He came to ruin my life again' Pocahontas gritted her teeth.  
  
But I didn't answer. I tried harder to remember him. Suddenly the headache returned again. I could see many faces & I could recognize John Rolfe among them whom I saw a moment ago. Many voices began ringing in my ears & I could understand his voice 'Don't dare to say I don't care about her.'  
  
Pocahontas watched me for a while. 'Are you feeling sick again, John? ' she asked anxiously.  
  
I tried harder to ease the pain by gritting my teeth. But the headache continued to increase.  
  
Suddenly I lost my temper. 'I don't want to see you with Rolfe again.' I shouted subconciously. I fall on my knees. Pocahontas ran to hold me but I pushed her away & she fall on the ground. Her forehead was cut & she began bleeding.  
  
'Don't come to me again.' I shouted & tried to run away. Thomas tried to stop me.  
  
'Let me go.' I struggled in his firm grip. 'All of you are making me sick.' The pain in my head became intolerable & I fainted in his arms.  
  
\------6------  
I woke up in my bed at Thomas's house. My head was still throbbing. I found Maria sitting beside me. She gave me a cup of medicine, I drank that & burried my face in the pillow & tried to sleep. Suddenly I heard some voices from the next room.  
  
'Doctor' Pocahontas said in a broken voice 'I'm afraid of him. He is acting like crazy & hearing & seeing voices & visions.'  
  
'Don't worry, miss.' Doctor said 'I've treated him since his accident. He has this problem from then. Those voices & visions are nothing but the blasts from the past. His subconscious mind can remember everything but his conscious mind can't. So whenever he sees or hears something about his past those memories try to come back to him. But he can't just understand them or doesn't try to understand them. In his sleep he sometimes can recall them but when he wakes up he can't remember them. His subconscious mind just tries to tell everything to his conscious mind by those visions & voices.'  
  
'But doctor' Thomas spoke 'What about that headache? It's driving him crazy.'  
  
'Yes, that's a matter of concern.' Doctor replied ' You know that his head was very badly injured. We thought about possible brain damage. But he overcame that critical period. Actually the headache occurs when he tries to remember anything. It occurs just because the excessive mental pressure he puts on his brain & mind trying to remember anything. That stress makes him furious & violent. He looses his control over himself. He doesn't know what he is doing then. But he can recall some of his memories then. Can he say any name or event yet?'  
  
Pocahontas stopped sobbing. 'Yes,' she said 'He told something about Rolfe & then became angry with me.'  
  
'Oh, that's a good sign.' Doctor smiled a little 'At least he can recognize one person. He couldn't recognize anyone before. That means he is improving.'  
  
'But, doctor' Thomas spoke again 'Will he recover?'  
  
'Of course' doctor replied 'He is not becoming insane. He just becomes furious not when he can't remember anything despite of trial. But you must make him remember. Just make him look inside the voices & visions.'  
  
When the doctor left Pocahontas said to Thomas 'I've dreamt of grandmother Willow yesterday. You know I've never seen her since I left John. I thought she left me. But in my dream she said to make John look inside the voices & visions just like the doctor said. I think she is coming back to me.'  
  
Suddenly she broke into tears 'Thomas everything happens because of me. How can I pay for my past?'  
  
Thomas tried to console her 'Stop blaming yourself Pocahontas. You must be strong for John.'  
  
But she continued sobbing.  
  
Suddenly I felt terrible for what I had done to her. I didn't know why but I suddenly realized that she was a broken hearted woman just yearning for love. I would never hurt her again if I could keep myself in control.  
\-----7----  
The next day during breakfast Thomas whispered to me 'John, please don't hurt Pocahontas again. She is in fragile mental condition. She is really having rough time now.'  
  
I turned my head to see her working with Maria in the kitchen. A moment later she sat beside me with another plate of food. 'How are you feeling today?' she asked without looking at me. 'Better.' I looked at her face. The cut on her forehead really made me to feel terribly guilty. ' Miss, I'm sorry for yesterday.' I tried to apologize.  
  
She raised her face to look at me. After a moment she smiled 'I don't mind with that. By the way can you come with me today? I think you'll like to see this place. But consider your physical condition first.'  
  
I looked into her eyes. Somehow I couldn't deny her 'I'll go with you. Don't worry, I'll be fine.'  
  
She took me deep into the forest. We walked together & talked about many things. I was curious like a child & she tried her best to answer my questions.  
  
But one thing made me to feel strange. Everything was so familiar as if I was been here before. But I just couldn't remember.  
  
We stood beside a waterfall. 'We met here for the first time.' she said in a dreamy voice 'You were about to shoot me & i was running away form you. Can you remember anything, John?'  
  
I couldn't understand about what she was talking about. But I just couldn't stop thinking about her. She had a strange personality & connection with everything of the nature that I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her every gesture was so familiar that I kept looking at her. She was much alike with the shadowy lady whom I often saw in my visions. I stepped near to her & gently stroke her hairs.  
  
'You are so familiar. Have we met before?' I whispered.  
  
She looked into my eyes & stepped closer. 'Yes' she whispered back. Her eyes became intense.  
  
Suddenly a strange mist began to cover my consciousness. My hand trembled so violently that the bag in my hand fell on the ground with a loud thud. I lost my balance & about to fall on the ground. But she held me tightly. 'John, what happened?' she was about to cry.  
  
Suddenly everything around me disappeared. I could see the shadowy lady standing holding my hand. But suddenly Rolfe came with an evil smile on his face. My shadow lady walked away with him. 'No, Rolfe, no' I shouted on the top of my voice 'Don't take her away from me.'  
  
'John' Pocahontas shook my shoulders 'What are you saying? Rolfe is not here.'  
  
Her voice brought me back to the reality. I regain my balance & freed myself from her embrace.  
  
'Miss, we should keep some distance.' I stepped back. 'After all we are strangers.'  
  
Her eyes were full of tears.  
  
'John,' she tried to hide her tears 'You can remember Rolfe. But can you ever remember me?'  
  
I gazed into her face for a while, and then replied 'No.'  
  
'Oh!' she moved her eyes away from me & sighed.  
\------8-----  
She took me in a beautiful glade. We sat under a big old willow tree.  
  
Pocahontas faced the tree & whispered 'Grandmother Willow, I need to talk with you.' She watched the tree for a while waiting for something to happen. But nothing happened. She moved her eyes from the tree & sighed 'The holy spirit of grandmother willow has left me since I left you, John. I've never seen her since I came back here with Rolfe. When I saw her yesterday in my dream, I thought she would come back. But she still doesn't showing herself to me. But I need her now more than ever.' She closed her eyes for a moment as if she was sleeping.  
  
Suddenly a blast of wind blew around us. She opened her eyes. Her face was shining with joy. 'But I can hear grandmother willow in the winds. She was saying look inside your visions & voices.' She cried looking at me 'Look inside yourself John.'  
  
I couldn't understand any of her words. So I remained silent. I was just enjoying the beauty of this place. But she sat beside me & giggled 'John, we came here for the first time trying to escape from Nakoma's eyes. You were afraid when you saw grandmother willow. Your men were searching for you but we hid ourselves here. Can you remember anything, John?' She came closer to me & said in a half whisper 'We had our wonderful times here. We had made many decisions here.' Then she fixed her amber eyes on me & pleaded 'oh, please try to remember. It's very important for both of us.'  
  
Her every word was so familiar that I tried to search them in my memories. But again those voices & visions returned. I could see two people very clearly for the first time in my vision. I had never seen them so clearly before because they were blurred. I saw them running, singing & enjoying themselves. I could hear their voices but couldn't understand the words. I couldn't see their faces.  
  
But suddenly the bad headache returned & I fell on my knees. I buried my face in my hands & as if I were fainted.  
  
Pocahontas ran towards me & helped me to sit up straight. She poured the medicine in a cup given by the doctor that she was carrying in a bottle. She feed me the medicine. After a moment or two the headache was gone & I looked at her face. She was watching me anxiously.  
  
'Can you see or hear anything?' she asked eagerly 'Try to remember what you've seen or heard.'  
\------9-----  
'Can you see or hear anything?' Pocahontas asked me again anxiously.  
  
I tried to remember my visions.  
  
'Yes,' I paused for a while 'Two people... running...talking...enjoying themselves.' I tried to say as far as I could remember. 'I can hear their voices too.'  
  
'What are they saying?' Pocahontas gave me a questioning look.  
  
I tried to remember what I heard but I had never understood them. All the words seemed coming from far away. I tried harder & suddenly I could remember one of them singing 'Can you paint with the colours of the winds?'  
  
'Please, John, try harder.' Pocahontas sat closer to me & stroked my hairs gently ' Look inside your visions & tell me what can you see.'  
  
I looked again inside the scene I had seen.  
  
Two people...Suddenly I recognized myself as one of them & another woman but she was just covered by a strange mist. I had seen her many times in my dreams but I had never seen her face. I couldn't remember her name but suddenly I realized that I loved her & still I love her. So I named her 'Shadow lady.'  
  
'I can see...' I began 'Myself here in the forest with a woman. Like shadow.'  
  
Pocahontas became more & more excited. 'Yes, a woman but can you recognize her?'  
  
Her breathing became faster & eyes became brighter.  
  
'No' I replied a moment later 'I can see her but I can never see her face. She is just obscured by a strange mist. I've seen her in my dreams too but she was just like a shadow.'  
  
'Oh!' she sighed. I knew that she was very disappointed. Then she looked around & stood up 'It's about dark. We must go now.'  
  
\------10-----  
She took me to her village. She was the youngest daughter of chief Powatan. He was a very good man. He came to welcome his daughter. He kissed her forehead & asked 'Where have you been for last two days?'  
  
'I was in Jamestown.' Pocahontas replied 'With Thomas & his wife.' Then she smiled 'I've someone to meet you.'  
  
When Powatan saw me he hugged me tightly 'Welcome, white brother. Good to see you again. Thanks again for saving my life.'  
  
I couldn't understand about what he was talking about. I gave him a surprised look 'Sir have we met before?'  
  
Powatan also became very much surprised. He gave Pocahontas a questioning look. She whispered something in his ears & he nodded. Then he took my hand & led me inside the village.  
  
He arranged a feast in my honour. The village people were very friendly. I began to like them.  
  
After the wonderful feast I was standing alone under the open night sky. I was thinking about the whole day. Everything was so familiar- this forest, these people & specially Pocahontas. I felt sorry for her but had a strange attraction for her. I didn't know if I felt only pity for her current mental distress of loosing her love or something more. But I felt that I couldn't hurt her anymore because she became very dependant on me mentally. May be she would suicide if I hurt her again.  
  
Suddenly she stood beside me with something in her hand.  
  
'Are you alright?' she asked.  
  
'Yes' I nodded. Then she took my hand & placed something on my palm. I looked at it & found a compass.  
  
'What about it?' I asked her.  
  
'It was yours.' She replied 'You gave it to me. But I buried it under the snow. I wanted to forget you.'  
  
'It's a very childish act.' I said 'And how I gave this to you? I've never met you before.'  
  
'We've met.' Her voice was about to be broken 'Please try to remember someone you loved long ago.'  
  
'No,' I nodded impatiently 'I know I've loved a woman once. I can see her in my dreams. She is my shadow lady.'  
  
'But the shadow lady is me.' She tried to convince me 'Her name was Pocahontas.'  
  
'That's your name, miss.' I narrowed my eyes 'It's not her name. If it was her name I could recall that.'  
  
'But you said she is like me.' She said.  
  
'No,' I nodded again 'You are much alike but not the same. You are loving & caring but she doesn't love me. She just walks away with Rolfe.'  
  
Suddenly blood drained away from her face 'You can never forgive her for that. But if I were the shadow lady what would you do? Will you forgive me?'  
  
I looked into her eyes for a moment, they were full of tears. 'If I meet my shadow lady, then I'll decide. But you are not her.'  
  
'Can't you give her a chance?' she said in a half whisper.  
  
'I don't know.' I replied giving the compass back to her.  
\------11----  
The next few days were very wonderful with Pocahontas but she was often in very unstable mood. She recalled something from her past & smiled, then the next time she broke into tears saying that she was trying to forget me & begged pardon for that. I tried to console her. She always waited anxiously for my answer but I had only one answer for her that 'I don't know.'  
  
Thomas & his wonderful wife Maria were also trying their best to tell me something about my past. But it was my bad luck that I couldn't recall any of them. They told me about the voyages we had together, the evil governor Ratcliffe, the conflict between us. Everything was so familiar that I tried hard to remember them. Then the visions & voices returned. I saw myself with some people but all of them were covered by strange mist. The next time that horrible headache retuned & I often passed out.  
  
A month later I heard Pocahontas crying with Thomas 'I can't see him like this any more. It's my entire fault.'  
  
Thomas stopped her 'Please stop blaming yourself, Pocahontas. It's better to do something to bring his memory back. I think we just give him time to recover.'  
  
But Pocahontas continued to sob. I felt very guilty. Everything was just like a nightmare. I didn't know anything about myself & even when people tried to help me I just couldn't cooperate with them.  
  
The next evening I was walking along the beach with Pocahontas. I just loved her company.  
  
Suddenly I faced her & said 'Give up all of these. May be I'm not the person you are looking for.'  
  
Pocahontas stopped & looked into my eyes 'You are the person I'm looking for.' She whispered. Then she stepped nearer & kissed my lips. I felt that my lips were burned & I was shivering like a feverish person.  
  
'Can you remember our first kiss in the glade?' she looked into my eyes anxiously.  
  
I didn't answer because I knew that my answer would hurt her. But she asked me again the same question.  
  
Suddenly I remembered that it wasn't fair to kiss a stranger woman in a public place. So I broke the kiss & gently stepped away from her.  
  
'Don't do that.' I said at last 'We are just strangers. You know I love my 'Shadow lady' & I'm still in love with her.'  
  
She gave me a disappointed look & sighed.  
  
I looked at her face which was still shining with tears.  
  
'No I can't make you cry.' I murmured 'It's wrong, very wrong.'  
  
Suddenly I felt very light headed & fell on my knees.  
  
'John!' Pocahontas ran towards me very quickly & held me tightly again.  
  
'No, I can't see you like this any more.' She whispered 'I must do something for you. It's my last chance.'  
  
I couldn't hear any more because I fainted in her arms.  
\-----12----  
'Thomas, John had a journal which he kept always with him. Have you seen that recently?' Pocahontas asked Thomas at the dinner.  
  
'No, we have not checked his bag since he came here.' Both Thomas & Maria replied.  
  
I was hearing their conversation. Suddenly I felt very light headed & the glass in my hand fell on the floor & broken into many pieces. It was a new symptom now a days as well as that horrible headache. Pocahontas ran towards me & gently stroke my hairs 'Are you alright John?'  
  
'Yes' I quickly got my control back.  
  
'I've told you not to be excited.' She was watching me carefully.  
  
I tried to avoid her eyes & tried to change the topics 'Are you talking about a journal?'  
  
'Yes' Pocahontas gave me an excited look 'Do you have it still?'  
  
'Yes, I think so.' I replied. All of them followed me to my room. I searched my bag & found a battered journal.  
  
'I have never read this' I said.  
  
'Why?' Pocahontas took the journal from my hand 'It is written by you & you are a good writer.'  
  
'I can't read it' I sat down on my bed 'It is blurred'  
  
She frowned & opened the diary. To their surprise its pages were blank except a few traces of ink.  
  
'The sea water has washed away the ink' Thomas sighed 'Now our all hope is gone.'  
  
Pocahontas didn't utter a word. Suddenly she sank into the floor with a drop of tear shining on her cheek.  
  
Suddenly she stood up putting the journal aside & gave me a wild look.  
  
'Still I need one answer from him.' She hissed at me 'You must give the answer to me.'  
  
I was frightened with her strange behaviour. She had lost her emotional balance again.  
  
-00000-  
  
The next day Pocahontas took me to a mountain cliff. We walked there for sometime. She was strangely silent. We sat at the corner of the cliff.  
  
'I'll tell you a story.' She spoke at last.  
  
I sat beside her 'I love to hear stories.'  
  
She looked at me & then began-  
  
'Once there was a girl, daughter of a chief, free spirited & dreamt of true love. One day a handsome captain came & she found her love with him. He was injured & went back to his land. The girl waited for him many days. But she heard the news of his death. She went to his country & fell in love with another man. She met the captain in a strange situation but she decided to move on.  
  
But a week later she realised how wrong she was. The captain always loved her & she also loved him too. But there was no way to turn back then. She was about to be married to her second lover. But he was playing with her. On her wedding day he came to the public with his real wife.  
  
The girl felt very ashamed. She lost her honour & dignity in the society. She had no way to go back to her true love because he was far away from her then. So she wanted to suicide.'  
  
Tears were rolling down from her eyes. Then she raised her face & looked at me 'It's the story of our life, John. I was the girl, you were the captain & Rolfe was the fraud. Now tell me can you forgive me for what I did?'  
  
I couldn't understand any of her words. The story seemed very familiar but I couldn't remember where I had heard that. I couldn't find any answer. At last I replied 'I really don't know'  
  
'Please try to remember' she gripped my hand tightly 'I need your answer. My next decision will depend on it.'  
  
'I don't know' I shook my head impatiently 'Please let me go.' I tried to free myself from her firm grip.  
  
'You must remember' she shouted out loudly 'I need my answer.' She shook my shoulders violently.  
  
I was very frightened. She had lost her temper at last.  
\-----13-----  
I was very afraid with her sudden outburst. But her every word seemed very familiar to me. They were like so real that I began to believe that those things actually happened in my life too. I searched into my head for those memories but I couldn't find them. I looked into her eyes. She was gentle now eagerly waiting for my answer. I wanted to answer her question really if I could. I tried harder to remember my past once again. But that horrible throbbing headache returned once again. I felt as if I was about to be fainted. But I didn't give up this time like before. I gripped my head tightly & tried to remember again. Suddenly I saw my shadow lady standing with me. She moved her lips to say 'We've walked through the same path once & now I found where I belong.' Then Rolfe came into the picture & she began to walk away with her. She tuned her face to see me for the last time & to my surprise her face was absolutely like Pocahontas. I looked at Pocahontas & there was no mistake. The horrible headache became more & more intolerable. I lost my temper. I forgot about her current fragile mental condition. She hurt me & so she must suffer. I couldn't think anything clearly due to the headache. I gripped my head more tightly & shouted 'You betrayed me, so I can never ever forgive you.'  
  
'I know, you'll never forgive me.' she broke into tears & fell on her knees. 'Why should you?' she sobbed 'I did this to you. I must not live anymore.' She stood up & began to run towards the corner of the cliff. She was about to jump. But when I saw her about to kill herself again, something happened inside me. A flash of another memory came into my mind. She was kissing me, saving me from the execution. But now she was dying. I ran towards her & pushed her back. She fell on the ground but that headache returned once again in most severe form than ever. I looked to the bottom of the cliff which had no end. Suddenly a mist covered my consciousness & I tried to keep my balance but I couldn't.  
  
I was falling from the cliff like I was flying in the air. Suddenly my feet touched the water below. I tried to swim but I couldn't. The water was engulfing me. I couldn't see anything...my vision was blurred. I was sinking. The water rushed into me though my mouth. A horrible storm broke my ship into pieces. I was thrown into the sea. I was trying to keep my head above the water. But another wave engulfed me once more. I couldn't swim anymore. I was tired. I couldn't breathe anymore. The water was surrounding me. I was sinking. Suddenly everything became dark.  
  
So that was called death?

  
\-----14-----  
I was walking through a dark tunnel. I saw my shadow lady standing at the end of the tunnel. She was no one but Pocahontas. We were standing by the waterfall silently...our first kiss in the glade...her determination to save me from the blow...our separation. The picture changed. I saw her again in London. She was changed- too cold & artificial. She walked away with Rolfe. I wanted to scream, 'Don't leave me Pocahontas. I'll change my decision. I love you.' But I couldn't.  
  
I woke up in the pool of sweat. I was panting. Someone was wiping my face with a wet cloth. I opened my eyes to find Pocahontas watching me anxiously. She was sitting beside me holding my hand. Her eyes were red. I knew she cried a lot. But why?  
  
'What happened to me?' I tried to speak.  
  
'You fell from the cliff but fortunately into the river below. You were about drowned. We saved you but you were unconscious for last two days. I was so worried.' She buried her face into my palm 'I thought I'll loose you. I prayed for you everyday. Don't do it again.'  
  
I smiled looking into her eyes 'I'll die hundred times to save you, if you want to kill yourself again as you did once to save my life.'  
  
'You remember me at last.' She was about to scream in joy.  
  
'Yes, our every moment together.' I wiped away her tears. 'But I want to forget our times of separation.'  
  
'Can you forgive me now?' Pocahontas brought her face closer & whispered.  
  
'I'll always forgive you.' I smiled pulling her more closer.  
  
At last our lips met in the true passionate kiss. We would always forgive each other.


End file.
